I have spent my whole life hiding in between words
I was comfortable never knowing what happiness was.
My pen became my friend and I was content In my misery.
You walked into my life, you brought my walls down with promises.
You loved me so breathlessly I confounded myself in you.
I forgot the words, and I slowly put down my pen, and
Before I could say I do I was yours unwaveringly.
You held my hands so tightly, I stopped walking alone
I made you my center, and I thought I was your escape too.
You thought me everything I know, and I forgot to exist.
Now I am alone in a sea of doubts because you changed the rules.
I don’t know how to do this alone, so I’m waiting on the sidelines
Hoping beyond reason you will give me back everything you took.
I am fighting a war fooling myself with wavering convictions that
You are still here. I am bending myself in half to curve the pain.
Begging for the scraps of the life I built, with words that aren’t mine
You stole my well crafted bandages, you unwrapped my pain, and
You left me bleeding on the sidewalk to bandage the arms of another.
How could you love me, and not see that I am wasting away too
I could never measure to the ideals of a beginning that never ended,
There were never any lies, just omitted truth, and forbidden looks.
You have never denied the truths I know, and you never hid behind words.
I could never fault you, for sharing with her what she denied you once.
You love me now and you love me true, and I can’t fault you for it.
I envy your moments of awkwardness, the intimacy you share only with her,
I envy your honesty, Veiled by the shadows of promises made to another. So
For the time being I can exist in suspension of our inevitable end.
I will stay for a while and watch you share the warmth of my love with her,
I will leave my heart open and feel you take from me and share with her.
I will love you senseless until my heart realizes that I matter too. And
Because I owe you this much I will walk away broken so you can exist.
Our love will always be my perfect dysfunctional truth and
I will cherish in the midst of this perfect storm
The part of us that was once untainted
By time, you, me, and her.